Shaking the dust

Thoughts about Life

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." 
Matthew 10:14

The other day, I did something that I am loathe to do, something that breaks my heart: I cut someone who is in a bad place out of my life. "Oh-em-GOSH, Leanne, how could you DO that!? Someone that's in a dark, desolate place has now been abandoned by you!?" 

Yes, they have, and it breaks my heart – but there's a problem. The problem isn't that I'm selfish or that I don't care or that I "just don't feel like putting up with their crap" anymore; it's that I can't stand by and watch them be so self-destructive, all the while accusing everyone around them of not being supportive and throwing down their logical reasons "proving" this neglect.

The problem with their logic is this: almost everyone around them is being supportive. Those people may not word it in the kindest way (in their defense, however, when a person continues to make the same – sometimes stupid – mistakes over and over and over and over and over, eventually people get fed up and stop sugar-coating the truth). And it's not that they don't see everyone supports them. It's that they don't want to hear that support. They only want support when it's in complete agreement with what they think and feel. If someone tells them – even in the most loving way – that the choice that they're making is not a good one, they automatically lash out. They overreact to everything that's said. They accuse that person of not being supportive, they accuse them of belittling and shaming them, and they refuse to listen.  They aren't asking themselves "Is this a story that I want to tell?" They want their friends and family to sympathize with their troubles, but to tell them that the path that they are on is the right one. 

Do you know who else is like that?

Children.

In particular, high-school children. You remember how it was – when you were a teenager and in high school, your parents were stupid. They couldn't possibly know anything about your life and how life works. They were nosy. They interfered. They set rules that were dumb. They didn't understand your life. The list goes on.

Except, they weren't really stupid, were they? They wanted to keep you from the mistakes that they made, or that they saw you about to make. As an adult, you don't have to have had made the same mistake yourself when you were younger; you're perfectly capable of seeing a pattern of behavior leading someone to a very bad decision. 

The problem with my friend is that they mistakenly thought their situation was unique. They did not understand that they are unique, but their situation is not. If you were to put them on a stage in front of a group of 100 randomly selected people and had them tell their basic story of their situation, I guarantee that a lot of hands – over half of them – would be raised when they were asked the question "Has anyone else in this room ever gone through this situation?" The details may vary; however, the circumstances, reactions, and situation wall be the same. 

Immaturity is not a mood, it is a stage of life – a stage out of which, unfortunately, some people never grow. 

My friend is a not a victim. They didn't have horrible parents or have a horrible childhood. They simply got lost, and when they were given directions, they didn't listen. I still love them dearly, with all my heart; but you can only give someone redirection so many times and have it ignored or disregarded as many times before you realize that this is the type of person that will not listen. They will not listen to experience, they prefer to create their own experience because they think their way is the right way.

The three main things to take away from this are:
1) Wisdom does not come from experience. Wisdom comes from learning how to prevent yourself from making the same mistake. There are a lot of people who continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over – they have the experience but not the wisdom, because they didn't learn.

2) You can gain wisdom from listening to the advice of the wise. A wise person is someone who has either gone through the same/a similar experience – OR – they haven't, they just see you heading towards the same mistake. You don't have to actually experience anything in order to learn. You can learn from other people's mistakes.

3) Everyone else knows better than you do. You do not. That may sound cruel, but consider this: when was the last time you were in an emotionally-charged situation and you were able to make a clear-headed decision? You weren't – not if the situation directly affected you. You can't see clearly like other people can. Other people see the patterns, other people see the behaviors, and we can sell ourselves on almost any bad idea EVER. 

Wrapping it up: if someone tells you that you're making bad decisions, maybe you should listen to that person, maybe not. However, if a lot of persons are telling you that you're making a bad decision and trying to show you how/why, then you absolutely should listen and take heed.

And if you are one of the people trying to help someone who continually makes bad choices over and over again and it breaks your heart to watch them suffer, then it is okay to let go. If you are not in a position to really help them – you're not a parent that can move them in with you to get them away from an abusive relationship; you're not a husband who can put his wife in rehab; you're not a wife that can take her husband to AA; if you're not a sibling that can go to immediate family for assistance – and there's nothing you can do, it's time to let go. The best way to look at it is this: if you are not directly responsible for that person because they are not your child, parent, or sibling, then it's okay. If you have done everything within reason to help and they won't change the destructive path they have chosen, it's okay to let go. Don't sell yourself on a bad idea – if they depend on you because you let them, you can stop. Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, you have to understand that person is not your responsibility and that eventually, they will drag you down too. 

Love them, but let them go. 

Negativity and Bad Days

Thoughts about Life

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

      Why do we say things like "I am having such a bad day"? Why do we say things like "today is going to be a bad day"? You are not, and it won't be. When we set the attitude that we have for the day that we have had so far, we have nobody to blame but ourselves for our mood.

When we set the tone for own day, we have nobody to blame but ourselves when we have exactly the day that we expect! 

Who'd've thunk?

      The only reason that something is negative because it doesn't happen the way that we wanted to. Negativity is in the eye of the beholder. 

     You may think that was the most obvious and non-profound statement ever, but it needed to be said. Events are just things. Circumstances are just things. They have no emotion, no feeling. When it thunderstorms, some people sit on their porches to watch it rage. Others hide out in their houses and cringe at the thunder and worry about the lightning. The thunderstorm is just a thing--it's a person's reaction to it that cause it to be "bad" or "good". 

     When we get a flat tire on the way to work, we are upset because we did not want that to happen; it was not in our plan. If we oversleep and end up being late for work, we are upset because it was not in our plan. But maybe we have an understanding boss who sees that we are normally late, and no one is upset. Some people might even say that leaving so late for work prevented you from having a fatal accident. I don't necessarily subscribe to that line of thinking--although there have been times where, if I had to been just a moment sooner were a moment later, my day would have taken a much different turn. When we can directly see a bad situation avoided like that, then we can be grateful for it. 

     The thing is, if we don't see it--if we don't see that being late for work made us miss being behind the truck that dumped its load on the highway, if we don't see that getting stuck in traffic kept us from crossing an intersection where someone ran a red light--we don't necessarily have to sit around thinking about it, either. It's hard for people to be grateful for blessings that they don't see, like an accident they never had, a trip over debris on the sidewalk and a face plant that never happened, and so on. 

     Even so, there is always a way to not look so negatively of the negative experiences that we have. If we get a flat tire, we can be grateful that we have the skills to change it, or that a kind stranger stopped to help us. If we get rear-ended or have some other type of car accident, we can be grateful that were walking around and complaining about it, instead of being on life-support in shock trauma. If we are super busy at work, we can be grateful that we have the skill set in order to handle the work that is coming in, or that we have the team that can get the work done together. 

     Now, I understand that there are some days when the negative thing on negative thing on negative thing on negative thing happens. It is just the way that life works. You get up late for work, the kids are slow in getting ready, the hot water runs out by the time you get to your shower, your car doesn't want to start when you go to leave for work, the dog gets out and you have to chase him down and get him back in the house before you can go, traffic was jammed up and somebody cut you off, and then somebody else did too, you're a few minutes late to work and your boss comes down on you like an iron hammer, you have a workload on your desk but it would take you on three full days with no breaks to complete, no one on your team wants to help you out – I understand that we all have days like that at some point. 

But wouldn't it be better to say "look at all the bad things that happened today, and I responded to each one of them with grace and/or compassion"?

Don't let your negative day, or just a few negative things, define who you are and your outlook on the day, the week, the month, and life in general. 

Prayer request from me

This is a prayer request from me. My friend Chandra sent this to me today. I was humbled that she came to me and asked for our group to pray for her and her friend; I hope you will all join me. 

"Please pray for my dear friend Marnie. She attempted suicide on Saturday and is great need of spiritual and emotional healing. She is struggling with prescription drug addiction and past family trauma. She sees no way out of this situation. She is not a believer – yet." 

 Let us pray for Marnie for vision, comfort and healing; pray for Chandra--for God to give her the words to help her friend start healing.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16 NIV 

Prayer request for Christal, 7/14/15

Hello ladies!!

This is a prayer request for Christal. She has made a very heady decision and it involves a major life change at home. Pray for her strength, grace, wisdom, and trust in the Lord.

In God's grace,
Lei

Prayer request from Carol R

Hello ladies!!

This is a prayer request from Carol R on 7/11:
"I am covered in poison ivy... Been to the doctors because my throat and eye were closing shut. It has forced me to cancel doing the mission trip tomorrow and the medicine doesn't seem to be doing any good. Could you please pray for some relief soon? Thanks so much, Carol"

Heavenly Father, thank You for our sister in Christ. We pray that You lay Your healing hands on Carol and give her relief from her suffering. In Jesus' name, Amen.

In God's grace,
Lei

Misconceptions

Daily thoughts about God

 

Three common misconceptions about Christianity are that:

1) You are in charge of the strength of your faith

2) God brings you to bad things and then through them 

3) Being a Christian means no more hard times 

1) You are not in charge of how strong your faith is. In all the places of the bible where faith is mentioned, it's where God is giving it to someone. Not someone saying "I need to have stronger faith". You don't need to have stronger faith, because God has given you all you need. You just need to trust it more; trust God that He will keep the promise from Jeremiah 29:11 – "'For I have great plans for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future.'"

2) God doesn't cause bad things to happen to you. He allows things to happen; He prevents things from happening. When someone you love dies, it's not about you. It's about Him calling them Home. I believe God knows everyone's time, therefore no one goes before they should. The way they go depends on the World. When someone loses an unborn child, it's not a punishment for that person. When someone is diagnosed with cancer or any other disease, or has a life-impairing accident, it is not wrath being rained down. God cursed the earth because of Adam and Eve; this is why we have natural disasters, hurricanes, tornadoes, why we have to work the ground hard to get food. Because the earth is cursed, bad things happen. God gives you the faith to get through it, and from that faith comes the strength and hope of a Christian. 

3) As a Christian, you are going to have the same amount of hard times as other people. You will lose loved ones. You will get sick. Things, and life, will happen. The difference is that we have Hope. We have the not-secret knowledge that something better lies beyond this world, and we are here not for ourselves, but to glorify God. I would rather live with the knowledge that bad things will happen and have the hope and faith in the Truth of God and know I'll get through it; than live in the lie that He doesn't care or isn't there. 

Prayer Requests 6/24

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